“It’s probably a phase.”
When I was 16yrs old I told my Nigerian Red-Cap chief father that I liked girls. What he did next has had deep ramifications in my life to date! He didn’t yell, he didn’t get mad at me, he didn’t disown me or make me feel bad and somehow inadequate. He did not say anything to make me regret what I had told him. Instead, he kindly told me his thoughts. “It’s probably a phase,” he said with care and love in his voice.
While I grew up knowing that I like girls, I did what my parents and the rest of the world expected of me. I married a man, tried to live happily ever after, and went about my business. Then I had my first son. And by the age of 2 to 3, I knew deep in my heart that he is gay, and I knew deeper, that his father is homophobic. I loved him, breastfed him and doted on him. But, somewhere deep inside, my heart sank.
I worried about him. I asked God multiple times why He gave me a gay child. I cried and I hurt, and I worried some more. What would people say? What would I say to them? What would the church say? What about my friends and my relatives, what would they say? I was so consumed with my “worriation” that I didn’t think about him and his own emotions.
When he was 12, I asked him if he was gay, and he said he wasn’t sure. I told him I loved him anyway and continued with my life. When he was 16, he came out officially and helped establish the Gay-Straight Alliance in his high school. Last Summer, during his graduation from Stanford, I kept hearing the announcer use “they/them/their” pronouns for him, and that got me asking questions that led to me to discover that they are Non-Binary.
I was very concerned about this. I did not understand it. I struggled with accepting the entire new pronouns thing. My stance hurt my son so much, and I nearly fell out of their favor during that period. It literally caused a huge situation between us. Eventually, we went head to head one sunny afternoon and that was when they said the words that cut deep into my heart; “it’s not about you, mom!”
Words that I will never forget!
As a result of that encounter, I started thinking and re-evaluating my entire outlook in life. I realized that if I, a bisexual mother who knew her child was gay from a very young age, could struggle with understanding and supporting them, then I knew for sure that there must be other parents (gay or straight), who are also struggling with the same, particularly those whose children have just come out who might be having a hard time with accepting, understanding or supporting them.
Since I work in the youth suicide prevention arena, I know that suicide is very common in the LGBTQ+ community, particularly amongst transgender children. I also know that African American children aged 5 through 12 are twice as likely as their White counterparts to die by suicide. So, I quit my job as a general pediatrician to focus on preventing suicide in our youth.
However, I decided to pivot and start coaching parents of LGBTQ+ kids because I know the power of a supportive parent in a child’s journey. Parental rejection or non-acceptance is one of the key reasons these children have a hard time coming out of the closet, hurt themselves, have a difficult experience, and possibly end up taking their own lives. So, I am here to partner with parents of LGBTQ+ kids who are needing support with their parenting journey.
I walk with you as you guide your LGBTQ+ children, so they can thrive and live their lives out loud without limitations or judgments. I become your trusted confidant and accountability partner. I will work with you to create a safe space in your hearts, in your homes and in your child’s world at large. I will also help you become the parent your child will be proud of.
If you or anyone you know need my services, kindly schedule a FREE 30-minute strategy session
with me. I will ask you a few questions and based on your responses, we shall figure out if, and how we can work together. In the mean time check out my parenting books on my media page
. Autographed copies are available by contacting me directly, please don't forget to leave a review!
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I’ll see you on the inside 😉 Ciao!
The LGBTQ+ Parent Coach
Mom of a Non-Binary Young Adult